maybe i just suck at skating

some people say you can’t heal in the same place that broke you.

it’s what i’m choosing to believe when you make me feel like a failure. when i sit back and realize that, once again, you got me. i, once again, lie awake at 2am scrolling through our whatsapp conversation like a fool while you either sleep soundly or fuck some girl that means nothing to you.

is it true? you broke me, therefore i won’t heal as long as you’re around? you made sure to stay here, even when i asked you not to. everytime we picked up where we last left off, i tried to challenge that belief. if you walk away from everything that broke you, aren’t you just a coward?

if i fall from my skateboard, i sure as hell will get right back on. are you my skateboard? something so intriguing, so cool, so stylish. something i want to master so badly. yet i keep falling, keep failing.

and now i’m sitting somewhere safe. some place without concrete, without pebbles. some fluffy ass child proof bouncy castle that many girls are desperately queuing up for and i’m crying in the corner because i want my skateboard back.

i need someone to grab me by the shoulders, shake me and tell me that i suck at skating, that i’m too much of a fucking pussy to be a skater girl. i fall, bruise, break too easily. i belong in the bouncy castle where i couldn’t get hurt, even if i tried.

and i will stay there, safely, until you come yelling my name from outside again in a few weeks or months. you’ll look handsome and dangerous and my bruises will be gone, i will have forgotten about the pain and maybe this time i will land the trick.